The Curious Ailments of Sam Swarek
by mahtra
Summary: Sam's happy with Marlo. It looks like Andy is finally moving on. Everything would be perfect, if it wasn't for this feeling that he can't breath. S4 AU
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. No copyright infringement is intended. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.**

_AN: Another one of my annoying ideas... Tell me what you think about it. It might just be, that I am going to extend it into a multi-chaptered thing, if you guys give me some good prompts. __I didn't want to put too much effort into it (I try to keep 'What the Heart Wants' a priority) so it is not beta'd and I am not a native speaker. If you find any mistakes please let me know. Also be warned, eventually this will be a McSwarek fic. That doesn't mean though, that they are going to forget all the hurt they did to eachother.  
_

_As usual feedback is very much appreciated._

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Most of the time he really enjoys being a detective.

For example when the heat outside is making the good citizens of Toronto all kind of crazy. He can't help but smile while his colleagues outside are sweating their behinds off. He enjoys the pleasant temperature of the office. What does it matter, that he doesn't get as much sunshine in here? At least he is comfortable.

In the last few months he has worked hard to get to this point. All he wants now for all his hard work getting here is convenience, comfort and ease.

He left the exhilaration of running after suspects behind. He doesn't want to chase anymore. If he wants to run now, he is doing it for himself, at his own speed. Not to chase after someone else anymore. He lets someone else do the chasing. He is done with this part of the job. He has moved up the ranks and the work he has to do now is with his head. He likes that feeling, the pure rational. No messy situations anymore. Straight forward, because he goes with the evidence. Doesn't need to read between the lines. He is at an advantage with the suspects. If he is in an interrogation, he has superior knowledge. At first it was unfamiliar to use his head and not to go with his gut. But he has adapted. And he is getting quite good now at examining the evidence objectively.

Also he is a little bit freer now when it comes to time management. While the white shirts are still expecting every detective to work at least forty hours a week, he can choose his breaks and hours more freely now. He can work however long he wants to until he calls it a day. Some days he is quick, some days he needs just a little bit more time. The pressure of regular shifts is gone. It gives him a freedom he didn't even know he missed.

Being in uniform has been a straightjacket for him in many ways. Now he feels liberated. Tries to push the thought out of mind that he just exchanged one uniform against another. One that he used to hate even more. With his new uniform he is less restricted at least. Shoes, pants, shirts. He creates the uniform in a way he likes. Maybe there are some expectations and conventions. But when it comes down to it, he's still the one, who gets the shirt he wants out in the morning.

Today is one of these easy days where everything is going so smoothly that he can't even imagine what kind of chaos he has to work through on other days. All his cases have been rather straightforward. No need for constant guessing and filing complicated paperwork.

So he is already done with the day's work, has already visited the break room to clean up his tea mug. The thing is: Tea leaves behind some unattractive residue. He always has to put in an extra minute to wipe the cup clean, before he can put it in the dishwasher. But he learned to like the sustaining effect of theine. Not as powerful as downing a coffee maybe, but definitely more healthy. He is back at his desk to collect his things for maybe a minute when he sees McNally's head appear in the doorway.

It's rare that he sees her these days. With her out on the streets and him in the office, they don't have much professional contact anymore. And it's a while now that she ceased to seek him out anymore. At first he can't explain why he's irritated about it. After all he decided months ago that he's better off without her. So why does it still penetrate his peace of mind that she's quitting their contact? He should be happy that she is not making it difficult for him. For not making him to choose between her and Marlo. For not making him to confront his theory with the reality. So he is not just annoyed with her. He is also grateful, that she doesn't put up a fight. It's the last thing he needs. For once he wants something simply. And he is pretty sure that she would be the end of this ignorant bliss he is living in. And he is appreciative that she seems to understand that.

He looks from McNally to his partner. Nash is just stroking the keys for the last time, when she hears her name. He is not in the mood for girl talk right now, so he gets up as soon he hears her asking for help. He knows what kind trouble she is in, when she is desperate enough to ask for help and he doesn't want to be sucked into vortex of McNally's problems. Therefore he makes his way out of there. Nods his head in their direction as a greeting. Marlo should have finished her shift by then. He checks to see if the keys to her squat car are back on their hook in the briefing room, when he sees his girlfriend come into the room.

He can see the fine hairs contouring her face sticking to her skin. He knows Marlo is in a very good shape. For her to have sweated like this, it must really be a sweltering heat outside. Before he can lean down to greet her with a kiss, she takes his hand and pull him towards her locker room. He is amused how she refuses to let him come closer that an arms length until she has showered. He can recall an istant or two, where they were both very sweaty and she didn't mind it one bit. But right now there is nothing he can do. So he sits on the bench in the corner next to her locker and waits.

Women's locker rooms are not his favorite hangout. While he appreciates the slightly better smell than in the men's, he still feels awkward there. Not wanting to appear like a peeping tom, he closes his eyes and lets his head fall back until it hits the wall.

He doesn't know how long he has sat there, when a noise penetrates his mind. Even though he has heard the sound a thousand times, he never connected a special memory with it. After all, who can recall a special moment, when they heard flip-flops clapping against the soles of wet feet? But his mind makes his own connection. A connection to a memory about a mental picture. He tries to lock that memory way. Far away. He built a whole safe around it and drowned it in an oceanic trench. But this memory is an escape artist.

At one point he almost bit Marlo's head of, just because she painted her toe nails. He knows, it's not fair and unreasonable. But he is not in the mood to deal it. Not now and not ever.

A moment later he hears McNally's voice and he cringes. He most definitely doesn't want to listen in on her discussion with Nash. So he thinks of something to distract himself with. He honestly doesn't want to eavesdrop. Tries to think of something to distract himself with. His mind draws blank.

But something in her voice lures him back to the conversation. He can't tell exactly what it is. He has become too much estranged from her voice in these last few months. And even before that, he is pretty sure it is a long time that he heard this undertone in it. Because it almost sounds like she is exited and in a positive way.

"I need your help, Trace. I have no idea what I should wear!"

While he sits there, he almost snorts. Not knowing what to wear? Yeah, McNally sounds like she has an enormous problem. Briefly he wonders if she has always been this shallow. If he had guessed, he would have expected his partner to answer with sarcasm not empathy. So he is quite surprised at the motherly tone in Nash's voice as she answers.

"Andy, calm down. We're gonna figure it out. What are your options?"

Sam behind his eyes he can almost see her standing there pouting. Probably surround by five pair of jeans, which look all the same to him.

"First I thought of this one. But I am not sure. I dunno. I think, it might be a little bit too sexy. I mean I don't want to make a wrong impression. That's why I thought of this one. But the brown one I have worn too often, I think. I don't feel like it is something special anymore. I don't want to go there with my everyday clothes."

Sam felt his throat itch. Someone must have emptied half a canister of hairspray next him because his airways feel extremely irritated all of the sudden. He wished he could clear his throat to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling on his vocal cords. But it is definitely the wrong moment to make his presence in the locker room known. So he tries to swallow down the bitter taste of what must be the most vile spray ever.

"Well, what did he say you two are gonna do then?"

"He suggested a movie first and then drinks. But I have no idea where he's gonna take me."

"And he knows, that you are meeting him right after work?"

"Yeah, he knows. He even offered to pick me up. But I don't know. It feels awkward. I don't want the whole station gawking and making comparisons to Swarek. I want him for myself. At least for a little while."

Sam takes his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. When is Marlo getting back here? The situation is getting more and more awkward. And his throat is still irritated. He wants to get out of here and drink some water to get this horrible taste out of his mouth. The dryness of his mouth following his surname from McNally's lips has only increased the irritation. He used to be Sam, always Sam. Even when he was just her TO.

"Ok, Andy, I say, go with the first one. It was your first choice. And you look incredibly hot in it. He knows that you come straight from work, so it makes tonight slightly more casual. And it doesn't hurt, if he thinks you look this hot after work every day."

Sam can hear the playfulness in Traci's voice, when she adds "Oh, and Andy, don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Even though he is very well aware of the sexual innuendo, he doesn't feel his heart break as he overhears the two girlfriends. There is no sudden pain his chest, jut because he discovered that McNally is moving on. He is a little surprised how little this affects him. While his male pride is somewhat bruised because she dared to even think about another man ever again, he is quite all right with it. He has channeled all his emotions and thoughts towards his inner Zen center. He has moved on after all. He and Marlo are quite solid. And he wishes her wholeheartedly that she finds someone who will make her happy, too.

_Your reviews are my drug of choice__!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. No copyright infringement is intended. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.**

_AN: With all this wonderful feedback, I was really motivated to get another chapter out there for you. I would like give a special thanks to ariel133, CTM1992, No.1TwiFanpire, kate1701, Goggiebe, linda p, hookedonrb, April420, laugh32, jh126, coffeelover328, ejliason, BekaRoo and you anonymous guest reviewers. I was very happy to receive all your lovely reviews.  
_

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He hates fraud cases. No action and tons of paperwork. But at least no one gets harmed. If you can call it that. The banks are insured for this kind of identity theft. So these cases are only a nuisance in his opinion.

But once the deputy chief's daughter gets her credit card information stolen, all detectives have to run around chasing bogus leads, while elsewhere school kids are shot by the gangbangers one should investigate instead. He hates this pretended political correctness, when everyone knows in reality it is all about who knows who. The attention a case gets is not objectively allotted. While he has shredded many of his former believes when it comes to the inner workings of the police, certain bitter truths remain.

So they are out in the city, driving around, trying to figure out who is involved, even though it is a Friday night and it won't be long before the typical weekend cases will roll in.

He has no idea what Nash's problem is, when suggests they should check out _Phidias_. It was the strongest lead they got so far. By the time she suggests he should head back to the station to check in with their sergeant -while she's going to check the restaurant out- he starts to get pissed. He has had no problem with her so far, but with the hours she is working and this pushy behavior right now, he gets the feeling she is starting to get ambitious. She is not burying herself in work to forget Jerry anymore. Her attitude makes him think she might become obsessed with her career and it worries him. He made it his job to watch out for her. So he suggests they take a break and call the station, while they wait for their burritos. Afterwards they will drive to _Phidias_ together. She looks at her watch and nods. He can tell, that she is not completely happy, but she is a little bit less tense now. Actually she takes her sweet time to choose what she wants to eat and then nibbles at her wrap for ages.

When they finally make their way to _Phidias_ it is a lot later than he thought. Weirdly enough Nash is overly alert as they walk through the restaurant. He has no idea what this is all about. But right now, he doesn't have the patience to find out. He wants to get on with their investigation.

The place is nice. He has heard the place is supposed to have good food, too. But it's not very big and not very noisy. It's only dimly lit and has a lot of small niches with tables for two people. Big wine glasses on each table. All in all the place looks rather romantic. Probably a good place for a date. Not that he much of a date night kind of guy. As they step up to the bar, he can see that place continues towards the back and out onto a patio. Before he can get a better look at the layout Nash takes the place on his right forcing him to face to front of the restaurant. He has no idea, what it is with her and this restaurant.

The man behind the counter is maybe in his mid-forties. He has probably a couple of inches on Sam and is wiry thin. His dark framed glasses look a little bit too fancy for a place like this, but suit him well. The bright smile on Nash's face is dazzling as she greets the man. Sam is pretty sure with a smile like this she can get any perp to confess his sins. For a moment he ponders if she is involved with the guy. But her introduction proves his theory wrong.

"Good evening. We would like to talk to the owner. Are you him?"

"Welcome to Phidias. No, I am not the owner. But we are fully booked this evening. If you want I can check if we can you a reservation for the next week. How does that sound?"

Sam rolls his eyes. Do they really look like they are dating? But his guess is that there are not many colleagues coming to this place. And definitely not for business.

Nash is still beaming up at the guy as she asks for the owner again. "Well, right now, we would like to speak to the owner. It really shouldn't take very long. Can you go fetch him or her for us, please?"

The bartender only raises his eyebrows ever so slightly before he steps away from the bar and towards a door labeled private. They can both see a corridor with several doors behind that as he walks trough. Painted in an industrial white it is a stark contrast to the warm red of the brick walls in the restaurant. A thought that the place is a lot more practical behind the scenes flashes through Sam's mind.

As they wait for the owner to arrive, Sam looks over the top of the bar. The wood of the bar looks smooth, but he can see from some small scratches and dents that it is at least a few years old. He is pretty sure, there is no secret card reader hidden in it. The area around the cash register doesn't look suspicious either. No devices one could use for reading out information either. He is about to approach the card reader to get a better look, when the bartender reappears with a woman in tow. Even though she must be at least be in her mid fifties, Sam can still see how beautiful she is. Her long hair is predominantly silver now, but a streak here and there indicates that she must have had jet black hair once upon a time.

Now it's Sam who turns on the charm.

"Good evening ma'am, are you the owner?"

"Yes, son. I am indeed." She has a motherly warmth to her. And the smile with which she answeres him is an honest one. "My name is Rosa Kallikrates. What can I do for you, mister…?"

"Swarek. Detective Swarek. This is my partner Detective Nash. We were wondering if we could ask you a few questions."

"Oh, dear. Yes, of course. What is that all about?" He can hear a slight accent. Greek, if he had to guess. At least if he considers the collection of ouzo bottles on the shelf behind the bar, he is pretty sure that it's a Greek accent.

"Well ma'am, we are investigation several cases of credit card fraud. We need to ask you some questions to ensure your restaurant and customers were not targeted."

After their conversation with the owner they are pretty sure, that they were not the ones that read out the information of the cards, even though their inquiries are rather standard. This is a family business. They have had the same staff for the last few years. None of them is in any kind of trouble. There were no renovations done, that involved the area around the cash register. But just to be sure, Sam asks if he could step behind the counter to check for devices. Mrs. Kallikrates is very obliging and invites him with a hand gesture behind the counter.

As he is about to circle the bar he hears the laugh. His reaction to it is involuntary. And then his eyes are already searching for the source before he can tell them not to. As soon as his body is obeying him again, he circles the counter. His mind hasn't quite caught up with what he just saw. So he shakes his head and files it away for later.

Right now he stands in front of the register and has to do a job. As he suspected everything looks and sounds solid. He can't see any technical equipment that might have been tampered with, but his search is only superficial. They don't have a warrant and the heartburn from his burrito is getting slightly uncomfortable just now.

After they thanked the restaurant owner for her cooperation and said their goodbyes, he gives Nash the keys and settles down on the passenger seat.

As a detective he has learned to read a lot more about body language and other tells. In the interrogation room it's a lot easier with this knowledge. Actually he has become quite good at reading what the person across from him is thinking.

What he saw at the restaurant is also quite easy to interpret. Andy was having a good time, she didn't fake it. He can see from her clothing that chose them with care. She wears more make up than usual, too. One doesn't need to be a mind reader to know what she was doing there.

He closes his eyes and pulls up the image of her behind his lids. Her posture shows clearly interest in the guy. She is open and honest about it. She is mirroring his gestures and has put down her fork to talk. The conversation must have been stimulating and they seem to get along. And then there is the hand that's playing with her necklace. An invitation to look at her neck, at her cleavage. Apparently she is physically attracted to the guy, too.

He knew this day was coming. He knew it ever since he overheard the conversation with Nash in the locker room. And all in all he is ok with it. It's almost nine months that they are not together anymore. She chose not to give them a chance. He accepted that and moved on. Now she is moving on too. It is the way it is supposed to go. When your relationship doesn't work out, you get over it. You orient yourself anew. And right now he doesn't feel like going into the depth of feelings he might have or at least is supposed to have.

Right now he only wants to take something against this horrible heartburn. He has no idea, why his stomach reacted so strongly to the food. He never had problems with the _Don Quichotte's_ before.

_A review from you would really motivate me to write._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. No copyright infringement is intended. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.**

_First of all, I would like to thank CMT1992, linda p, Goggiebe, belcheto, jh126, shippersgonnaship, SRyan1985, ariel133, coffeelover328, laugh32, bacio4hope, BekaRoo, SMChick, CM-x-SN-x-HP-x-roxmysox and the Guest reviewers for their feedback. And I never expected to get so many Follower and Favorites for a story, that I made up late at night. But please continue with your reviews, I really want to know what you guys are thinking about this little story._

_Also I am not a native speaker and have never been across the Atlantic. I hope that my syntax and grammar are understandable in general, but I will make linguistic and cultural mistakes from time to time. I count on you to point those out.  
_

_Especially with this chapter I had a lot of problems. I never got the style right and tried rewriting it several times. It only made it worse. So I am updating against my better judgment now. But I really want to update Chapter 4 before I am off traveling.  
_

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He honestly didn't want to eavesdrop. Just the opposite. He tried to give the two of them some privacy. Unfortunately there is only so much one can distract oneself with in a empty hallway. He tried to concentrate on the fly buzzing around the fluorescent tube on the ceiling above him. Unfortunately it doesn't do much more than blind him temporarily. He overhears the conversation, not to say shouting match, anyways and it makes him slightly uncomfortable. They are both in the kitchen and must anticipate, that someone might want to get a coffee at any given moment. Still they air their dirty laundry there.

So far the risk of being overheard has never stopped them from fighting. He's got the feeling that Collins and Peck are at each other's throats constantly ever since he came back. With the frequency with which they fight it is almost impossible not to get caught between those two. Talking to both of them at the same time is a little bit like playing Minesweepers. There are hidden bombs everywhere. Right now he is not in the mood for any more of their crap. Right now he just wants something to drink.

So he waits in the hallway for the two lovebirds to finish their latest argument. Unsurprisingly it is once again about McNally. According to Peck Collins has a thing for McNally. Has had it for a long time. Supposedly even before these two went under together. Collins tries to reason with Peck, but she is pretty sure of it. It sounds like she counts it off at his fingers. How he makes the wrong breakfast. How he forgets about her medical history. How is so dutiful, that he has no problem ditching his girlfriend for a job with Andy. The list goes on and on.

Sam wonders if Collins knows about McNally's new guy, if he has any scoop on him. But he shuts that line of thinking down quickly; it's not his place any more. Even if it is not jealousy but protectiveness, he has to let her live her life. He can't get involved in it anymore.

But just like Peck he has wondered what the deal is with Collins and McNally. It seems like Peck is pretty sure that Collins wants to be with McNally. That part he gets. He has seen the signs himself. What he doesn't get is why she doesn't break up with him. Why would she to hold onto their relationship if he's in love with someone else anyway? But that is none of his business. If he'd want to analyze relationships he would have bought a gossip magazine. Work is the place where you are supposed to stay professional.

And this constant fighting at work is really getting on his nerves. Peck's behavior is childish and highly unprofessional. He wonders silently why Frank hasn't written her up yet. Maybe it's her family connection. Whatever it is Sam doesn't really care. He just wants them to shut heck up. He is not in the mood for any drama. He has a heavy caseload today. Maybe he should brief Peck about McNally's boyfriend. Hearing about the phantom looks between Collins and McNally gives him a headache.

Already his body feels like he's been run over by a truck. Not only has he not slept well, but the heartburn he has had ever since that credit card scam two weeks ago: it's still lingering. Yesterday Marlo has finally had enough and called her cousin. He managed to squeeze him in this morning before he opened his practice. But apparently the symptoms he described are not consistent with acid indigestion or heart problems. His lungs sound good, too. From a medical standpoint he should feel like on the top of the world. Unfortunately he doesn't feel like that at all. He doesn't know what it is, but he feels off. Has for some time now.

He only goes to work, because he needs to. He hasn't been very motivated to go in for a couple of days now. It's never before been like this and he has no idea why. Nothing has changed at the barn. The cases are your average domestic violence and thefts. Some assault and robberies, some B&Es. Same old crap he has always dealt with. On any other day, he would be finished by now. So why is he missing his motivation all of the sudden? He can't explain it.

He has finally tuned out the rookies and is deep in thought, when he hears the wolf whistle. Looking up is more of an reflex than interest. But he is surprised to see Salvadore stare and Micheletti cross his hands in front of his crotch. He's even more surprised to hear Epstein call "Looking good, McNally." after her as she walks don't the corridor towards him.

Not that she is not looking good. She is definitely beautiful and she is wearing a new dress. At least he thinks it's new. He has never seen her in this one. But the dress is quite modest for McNally's usual taste. It ends only an inch or two above her knee and she isn't showing much cleavage. Nothing that would explain these reactions from the guys.

He shakes his head and leans his back against the wall. Once more ready to wait out Peck's newest theories, his eyes go upwards again. Searching for his old friend the fly. It's still there. As stupid as ever. It's still circling the light, even though by now it should have realized, that there is nothing there. No food, nothing worth staying around for. Still the stupid thing is all over the tube, running all over the length of it. It's probably going to die, trying to get any closer to the light. It will probably starve to death. No sustenance can be found there. Or maybe it will die of thirst first. Because the lamp will inevitably dry it out with the heat it creates. There is no happy ending for the fly. He is dubious that it will be able to live its whole life span, because he is pretty sure the fluorescent tube will be its torturous death.

He can hear the clicking of the heels as she comes closer. So he lowers his gaze from the ceiling to meet her eyes. They can be civil towards each other. They can greet one another with a simple nod. That was the whole point of letting his feelings go. So that he can work with her without going crazy. Because she sure has the ability to drive him mad. Correction: Had. She had the ability to drive him mad. He is over that. Now she is only a coworker with some crazy ideas. Ideas that are none of his concern anymore.

She gives him a small smile as she walks past. Maybe it's just looks like it, because he can still see bright spots, but he is pretty sure her eyes sparkle. Against all better judgment he lets himself get drawn in. And lets his eyes follow her. It's then that he understands what the other guys were admiring. The dress she is wearing is dipping low in the back. Seriously low. A whole lot of soft skin is exposed. Still it doesn't look cheap. She would call it classy, he thinks.

What makes the outfit even sexier are her stockings. Stockings with a seam. He knows these stockings. He has seen her wear them before. They go with a garter belt.

The raised eyebrows he sports are involuntary. It's really none of his concern if she and the new guy are already sleeping with each other. He really shouldn't wonder if she can fall asleep in his bed, because he doesn't care what McNally is up to in her free time.

Right now he cares more about an Aspirin. It seems like his staring into the light has given him a headache.

_Painkillers and reviews are very much appreciated._


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. No copyright infringement is intended. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.**

_AN1: All these reviews make me smile, so a big fat thank you to linda p, MP31, Goggiebe, magnificantmel6, jh126, bacio4hope, WenEdg, coffeelover328, subsidingchaos, stewart14, MisterBlueButterfly and all you Guests._

_AN2: Unfortunately the next chapter might take some time. I am going on vacation and very busy until then, so I can't promise you so quick updates anymore. Sorry.  
_

_AN3: I think this chapter will need some explanation: It's a few some months later. Sam still has some health issues, but no doctor was able to tell him what's wrong with him. Obviously Traci and Steve have already met._

_AN4: Finally, I have no idea, in which language the TPS trains its K-9, but I know that many people use German commands because of the very distinct sound._

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They are on their third lap and if Marlo is not slowing down in the next minute or two, he is pretty sure he will puke. He always thought of himself as quite fit, but this woman has more endurance than anyone else he has ever known. The embarrassing thing is, he knows she is already going slower than usual. If she wanted, she could run circles around him. His airways feel dry and his lungs started to ache worse about three kilometers ago. But he doesn't want to loose the next twenty bucks to her, so he sucks it up and concentrates on the essentials. Like putting one foot in front of the other.

That's the reason he almost collides with the kid. He hasn't seen him coming. When he helps steady the boy, he gets a look at the face. It's Nash's kid. Apparently he's been playing with the Labrador, which is sitting next to the walkway now. Marlo is already on her way back to them. He takes a moment to catch his breath then he asks "Leo, what are you doing here? Don't you know, that you have to watch out for the people on the path? With whom are you here anyway?"

Just then he hears a sharp command "Bradley! Bei Fuß!" (pronounced _by fooss _and means_ '_Heel!') and sees the dog sprinting towards a small group a few meters away. First he recognizes Nash and Peck. While it's already easy to spot his partner, the combination of milky white against chocolate brown skin makes it even easier. Next to them he sees McNally and finally Bradley's owner, the dog at his feet. It's the guy he has seen her with a couple of months ago. Both couples are sitting on a blanket, the remains of a picnic in the middle.

He is still taking in what he sees, when he hears his girlfriend next to him. "No way. I don't believe this."

Before he can even ask what Marlo is talking about she is already off, running towards their colleagues.

"Kyle Spencer, is that you?"

Leave it to McNally to pick a guy Sam's girlfriend knows.

He pats Leo on his shoulder and they make their way over.

The guy scrambles to his feet and hugs Marlo. As Sam looks into the others' faces, he can see that none of them has a clue, how Marlo and Kyle know each other. When they finally let each other go, Steve remembers his manners and invites the newcomers to join them.

Once Sam has downed a bottle of cold water and has wiped most of the sweat off his face, the guy starts explaining.

"You are probably all wondering how Marlo and I know each other. We were on SWAT together."

Sam nods to himself. It makes sense. Marlo has worked with a lot of people during her time with ETF.

From the teasing tone she answers, he can see that they still share a certain camaraderie. "Yeah, until you left us for this bitch." She gestures towards the dog.

Kyle seems to be mortally offended and hugs the dog to his side, covering its ears with his hands.

"Cruz, can't you be a little bit more sensitive. Bradley is still very much manly. Just because he is missing certain important parts, doesn't mean that he can't be a man. Except in obvious ways, of course."

Sam risk a glance at Leo whose eyes are already big and full of question marks. He pretty sure, that they opened a can of worms just now. Steve must have realized the same, because he is already distracting the boy with questions about his last little league game. He is surprised by the finesse Peck shows while handling the boy. He is really is surprisingly good with the kid. So for the moment Nash and her boyfriend are completely occupied with Leo.

It is still weird to see his partner with someone else than Jerry. He can't help but wonder if Traci loves Steve the same way she loved his best friend. He always thought they were _it_, their one big love. Now, only a year later she is moving on with another guy. It's not that he blames her. He can understand her, but he feels like maybe he should be a little bit apprehensive towards this new relationship. For Jerry's sake at least.

Still slightly out of breath Sam just sits and takes the groups in. Marlo and Kyle are ribbing each other. Their stories are getting more and more incredible with each minute. He notices though, that the guy never lets go of Andy's hand. They are very discreet about it. Their arms are simply hanging down between them. Fingers intertwined on the blanket. She seems to be completely relaxed. As if it is totally normal, that the guy knows her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend so well.

Sam knows, that McNally and Marlo have come to some kind of truce a while back, but he definitely didn't expect them to get along well enough to be partnered this often.

_He and Marlo were lying in bed. It had been unbearably hot all day but now after the thunderstorm it was just the right temperature. _

_In the weeks following Andy's return, he has tried very hard to keep his distance from her. When Oliver asked him why he avoided her like the plague, he explained to him that he was just doing it to reassure Marlo. Aafter a while he realized that Marlo didn't need any reassurances from him. He was somewhat surprised, that she and McNally got along so well. They are two very different cops, but it seems like they came to respect and care for each other. Maybe even formed a bond. _

_So here they were. In bed. And Marlo brought up McNally voluntarily. _

_"It's a pity that you and me are together." _

_He could feel his eyebrows raise up into his hairline almost immediately. But at that point Marlo had already felt the tension in his body and was quick to clarify. _

_"You know, if it weren't for you, Andy and I could probably be really good friends. Now with you in the middle it will always be awkward. You really had to mess that up for us, didn't you?"_

_Sam chuckled. He couldn't pretend to understand her thoughts, but he was glad that she wasn't making a big deal out of his history with McNally. So he kissed her forehead and told her goodnight._

_That night he dreamed of both of them. How they were deceiving him. Covering for each other and convincing him, that they were one and the same person._

Now they are here and he is the odd one out. They are still discussing the dog. Bradley. Way too close to Boo Radley in his opinion. But it wasn't Andy who named the dog, so he lets it go. Concentrates on the reaction of his stomach to the cold water. Maybe he drank too fast, because he can feel the unmistakable queasiness that precedes the stomach cramps he had for months now. Unfortunately concentrating on your aches only makes it worse.

So he tries to direct his mind once more in another direction. Forces himself to pay attention to Marlo's conversation.

"I tell you, Marlo, he understands you."  
"It's a dog, he only hears the sounds and maybe reads some body language. He doesn't know what we are saying."

"You could stop calling him a bitch anyway. He might not understand him, but he will understand my reaction. Every guy will cringe when he thinks about castration." Kyle says as he scratches the dogs ears.

"Don't worry Kyle. We don't want to give him an inferiority complex. He is still very manly. You two are more than enough man for me." Andy leans over to him and gives him a quick kiss on the lips.

"That's right here, is the reason I love you." Kyle tells her as he holds her close. She looks happy. Probably happier than Sam has ever seen her look with him. Her eyes are sparkling as she looks up at him and tells him in a teasing voice.

"Well, that still doesn't explain why I love you!"

It all goes very quick then. Sam can feel his stomach contract. He can smell the bile in his throat before he tastes it. He only has water in his stomach, so the liquid feeling is rather unfamiliar to him. He only manages a few steps towards the bushes, before his body wins. He heaves and heaves until nothing is left.

And then, as suddenly as the urge has come, it is gone again. He is ok again.

Apart from the disgusting taste in his mouth he feels alright and is more embarrassed than anything else. He just puked right here in front of everyone. And they all wear the same concerned expression. He tries to calm them down. Explains to them, that it was probably just too much, too cold water in too short a time. But they won't hear of it. Steve gets his car keys out and threatens him with cuffs, if he won't come willingly. So finally he acquiesces. Glances over to Marlo, who wears a strange expression. One Sam has never seen on her face. But then she smiles a tight smile and comes with the two men.

_Reviews are an universal remedy. They make this writer very happy and hopefully very healthy._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. No copyright infringement is intended. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.**

_AN:_

_1. I am back. The vacation was wonderful. Right now I am still trying to get into my regular life. So I can't tell how much writing I will get done during the next week or so. I don't have a composition for the next few chapters yet. It might take me a while to think of the right backdrop. For that I appreciate your input. If you have any ideas, feel free to share them with me._

_In general I must say, I am overwhelmed with the great feedback I get for this story. Tea, Goggiebe, linda p, Mustlovelions66, MisterBlueButterfly, coffeelover328, smdaniels20, ariel133, bacio4hope, MP31, Dawnhorse81, jh126, BekaRoo, Kazza169, No.1TwiFanpire, stewart14 and all the guests gave me a wonderful reviews. You guys are great._

_2. For clarification: Marlo and Kyle met, while they both were with ETF, but both put in transfers, Kyle to K9 and Marlo to 15. Bradley is property of the Toronto Police Service._

* * *

The ride back from the park is quiet. Steve is concentrating on weaving through the traffic without too many sudden jerks. Obviously he still isn't so sure, that Sam won't throw up again.

Marlo is in the backseat and chewing on her lip like she hasn't had anything to eat for days. The increased stimulation makes her already full lips even fuller. They look bright red, as if she has put on some lipstick. And she has barely said a word since Sam got sick. He can sense that something is eating her up. But right now is not the time to get into it. Especially not in front of Peck. He has seen the signs a thousand times with An- McNally. Overthinking everything. He thought Marlo wouldn't do that. He had wished that with Marlo that there wouldn't be any need to overthink anything. That they didn't need to talk about everything. That they wouldn't have to analyze every single detail of their relationship. He has so hoped, that this one would be easier. Now it looks like that she is starting with the same bad habits McNally had. Not at all what he wants. He wants simple. He made that clear from the very beginning.

After they thanked Peck and said their goodbyes to him, they make their way down Sam's driveway in silence. As much as he wishes to ignore it, he can feel the tension in the air. Once inside, Sam flops down on the couch. He still doesn't feel sick, but he is tired from the run. He knows that he hasn't stretched nearly enough. Already his muscles started to feel uncomfortable.

Marlo is still standing in the doorway, when he looks for her. Very slowly she makes her way into the kitchen and gets out a glass and some water. Once she has set it down in front of him, she asks:  
"How are you feeling now? Still feeling sick?"

Even though what she says shows concern for him, he can also detect a hint of hostility.

He is annoyed with her. He doesn't really have a reason why, but it irritates him that she doesn't believe him.

"I told you: I don't feel sick. I didn't feel sick at the park and I don't feel sick now. Can you please give it a rest. It was just the cold water. Nothing more."

He can see that his word made an impact on her. Still what she says next surprises him.

"Alright, I just wanted to make sure. If you are really ok, I will go now. I will come by some time next week to get my stuff."

Her voice makes it clear that this is their final goodbye. Sam crinkles his eyebrows and tries to make sense out of the one-eighty Marlo just pulled. He has no idea what he could have said or done that would make her want to break it off.

He is really not in the mood to deal with irrational female behavior. Right now he just wants to have a hot shower, preferably without moving any muscles.

Resigning himself to a discussion he could very well live without, he asks her.

"What the heck is going on with you? You go from concern for my health to getting your stuff. Did I miss something here?"

"Wow, you really don't see it, do you?" The humorless chuckle with which Marlo ends the question drives him only madder.

"What am I supposed to see? Please enlighten me."

"Well, I guess I always wondered. But you swore, that you two were over. And everybody told me, that you were showing me a lot more affection than her. Hence, even Andy said that you and I were different from you and her. And I moron believed all of you. I thought we had something. But I can see now that I was wrong. Obviously I am not the person, with whom you want to be."

"Hold on, Marlo. You think I still have feelings for Andy? That's what this is all about? I told you. I am over McNally. Whatever feelings I have for her are feelings one friend has for another friend. I am with you."

Her voice sounds small now. As if she can barely hold it together. "Please Sam, let me get out of here with some dignity at least." He sees her grab her keys and hurries to stand in front of the door.

"No, you are not leaving until we have cleared this up."

"Sam, I am begging you. Please. Neither one of us needs the humiliation."

"Well, I think I need the humiliation. Because right now the only humiliating thing I can see right now is not knowing why you are walking away from us." He doesn't get it. He thought if he doesn't get in too deep, there would be no chance of him getting hurt. But right now he feels betrayed by her. He feels stupid. Once again. He has no idea, why Marlo is so keen on ending their relationship all of the sudden. He honestly thought they were solid.

"All right, you honestly want to know, why I can't do this anymore? Is that really what you want?..."

He nods his head.

"… Well, I can't stand it how you grimace every time Andy or Kyle come up in a conversation. You probably don't even realize it, but every time someone talks about them you look like you have to go to the dentist. When you saw Andy today with Kyle and Bradley you looked so pissed off. I honestly don't have any idea what that was all about. They weren't even doing anything. And you puking because she is in love with someone else was not the first time you got sick because of McNally. You see Andy coming into work with yesterday's clothes and suddenly your neck becomes sore. Then you see a hickey on her neck and suddenly you are feeling unsteady. Yeah, sure it's just vertigo.

I really tried to believe that it was just my insecurity, but I can't do that anymore. I reached my limit. It's not fair for either one of us. I don't want to be compared to Andy all the time. I don't want feel like I don't measure up. I know you said that it isn't true, but it is. …"

Sam is ready to interject. Marlo's observations are absolutely imaginary. He had been unwell for months now. Just because some of his symptoms started when Andy was around, doesn't mean that they started because of her. It doesn't make any sense to him. Why should she be the reason for them? There was nothing between them anymore. He doesn't her that way anymore. He cares for Marlo now. But she is already continuing.

"… You know why Oliver was so much against the idea of us together? He knew you were not over her. He said I was setting myself up for a lot of heartache. And look at us now, here we are. …"

Sam's getting annoyed. He knew that his friend was not a big fan of their relationship. Oliver told him on numerous occasions. But for him to go and tell Marlo? That was a whole other thing. He and Marlo have been so solid. And Oliver whom he trusts, went behind his back and tried to compromise them.

"… Distracting yourself with me was never working, not really. Maybe you were using me to punish her, I really don't know. But I do know that I've reached my limit. You are nowhere near over her. And as long as you are not over her, no one else will have a chance with you. So I am giving up. …"

Just then he is giving up too. Slowly he moves away from the doorway. She is going to go. Leaving him. There is nothing he can say. Nothing he can do. He can see it already.

"… We both deserve more than what we have right now. You don't deserve just to settle and I don't deserve that neither. "

She kisses him on the check and caresses his face one more time. He leans into her touch and closes his eyes. He doesn't want it to be over between them. It felt so good. For the first time in a very long while he felt stable. But he doesn't know how he can convince her to stay. He never has. The women in his life decide to go and there is nothing he can do to make them stay.

With the door handle in hand, Marlo turns back again. Her expression is sorrowful.

"Please Sam, don't mess it up for Andy and Kyle. He is a good guy. A great guy actually. Andy is lucky to have found him. If you really care, then please don't mess that up for her."

With that she is gone.

_A review might help Sam to get a clue. So please leave one.  
_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. No copyright infringement is intended. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.**

_**As I post this I have to things, I want to share:**_

_1) I kindly ask you not to leave any abusive reviews about any character._

_2) "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." _

_Theodore Roosevelt_

_**That said, I would like to thank Misfit 1-3, linda p, smdaniels20, jh126, Mustlovelions66, MamaluvsRB, MisterBlueButterfly, Goggiebe, stewart14, RookieBlueFanatic, MP31, bacio4hope, No.1TwiFanpire, SRyan1985, Nikki, Kazza169 and all you Guests for your reviews and for the kind words of support. I hope all of you enjoy the story.**_

* * *

He doesn't tell anyone about the breakup. Not even Nash, his partner. Especially not Oliver. He hasn't forgiven his friend. Being skeptical is one thing, but he doesn't want him to interfere with his love life. He has had the feeling that they grew apart for a while and the latest development didn't help their friendship. He know he should try to reach out to his friend. Still he is not ready to open up about his failed relationship.

So he is in a bad mood when he comes to work. Has been that way for a week. Ever since the break up. He is glad that Marlo has a different shift schedule for the week. He has seen her only a few times from afar since that fateful Saturday. They have nodded at each other. Like every colleague would another. She has even smiled a small smile. But he was not in the mood to smile back at her. He feels like muscles in his cheek are refusing him, whenever he tries to. It's always more of a grimace than a smile. To say he takes the breakup hart is an understatement. He is hurt.

This time he did everything different. Chose someone closer to his temperament. Someone he didn't feel so strongly for from the very start. Someone he got to know slowly. He did the complete opposite of his relationship with McNally. It should have worked out. And he grew to care for Marlo. He liked her a lot and was pretty sure he could have loved her, if she had given him enough time. But she ran. Ran away from him. It looks like that it doesn't matter how he goes about it. They always run. Maybe he simply isn't made for lasting relationships. Maybe he will never get to spend the rest of his life with just one person. Maybe she will always choose someone or something else over him.

So far he hasn't seen McNally yet. She managed to ruin his relationship even though they are not together anymore. And he doesn't even feel for Andy anything more than he should. But he has yet to test Marlo's theory, he wants to proof her wrong. Because he is pretty sure of the outcome. He is over her. If not five months of hard work would have been for nothing. He can't allow that. It must have worked.

When he enters the equipment room, he is still deep in thought.

And as usual his thoughts are on Marlo. He knows her decision was final. He is not going to convince her to give them another chance. But he wants that chance. He wants to try again with her. He needs to. He doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want no one to know him.

So he is already getting his gun out, when he realizes that there are other people in the room with him. For a moment he is embarrassed that he didn't notice them. If he hasn't done it out of habit, he probably hasn't even greeted them. But McNally and Diaz are deep in conversation anyway. So he acts as if he simply didn't want to interrupt their chat. Instead he feels a little bit triumphant. He has proven Marlo wrong. Surely if he were still hung up on McNally, he would have noticed her right away and felt his heart jump, just as he heard her voice. But he hasn't, so he is obviously not in love with her anymore.

This morning McNally is quite hyped up. He can't understand. She just finished a night shift. When they were together, she used to be dead on her feed at the end of the shift.

"… You know, we are still waiting for Frank approval, but once he gives the ok we can start the serious planning. …"

Diaz gets his key out and hums in acknowledgement.

"…Checking out places as a base, figuring out strategies. I am super excited. The last time was so great. You know in the end you stand there and you can really see what you accomplished. I mean in the beginning it were always the bunch of us. And always just for a day. We knew we would go home and sleep in our own beds. But this time it's different."

Sam can hear the apprehension in Diaz voice.  
"Andy are you sure you want to do that? I mean it is really dangerous. There is so much that could happen!"

The warning he gives McNally is heartfelt.

"Yeah, I know Chris. And you are right it is kind of dangerous. But that's part of the thrill. The last time I was really not sure, if I should do it. I mean it's me. I was sure that with my luck I would end up in the hospital or worse, but it was one of the best decisions of my life. I never regretted it."

It's then that Sam's heart begins to beat uncontrollably. It beats strong and hard against his chest. But not properly. He has the feeling it has lost its rhythm. It goes quicker and quicker and misses more beats that it should have. He begins to feel dizzy and he hates the feeling, that he is loosing control over his body. He grits his teeth and tries to get his body under control again. But he can't. He feels like his mind is no longer connected to his body. The tingling sensation from his fingers is gone. He doesn't feel any physical sensation anymore. It scares him. He just stands there on wobbly legs and can't do anything. Even his vocal cords refuse him their service. It is a terrifying feeling. He is sure if McNally looked at him just now she would see the pure terror in his eyes. But she doesn't look at him. She continues to talk, steps around him and follows Diaz out the door.

It takes him a while but slowly he starts to feel his body again. At first he senses the sweat trickling down his hairline. He can feel his heart slowing down too. His chest still feels tight though. As if someone is sitting on it. As if he is back with Brennan and water is forced down his throat. He bans the memories from his mind. He doesn't want to go there. Not now. Not ever. Instead he tries to picture something harmless. Something that calms him down. He takes a few deep breaths as he lets his mind explore his happy place.

And then his eyelids fly open again.

He just imagined himself married to Andy. With kids. In a house in the suburbs.

**_Reviews might convince me to let you know, what Andy was talking about._**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. No copyright infringement is intended. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.**

_AN:_

_I am still amazed by the feedback I get. You guys are fantastic. Especially Goggiebe, Mustlovelions66, kate1701, Kazza169, belcheto, jh126, RookieBlueFanatic, linda p, Karin, bacio4hope, No.1TwiFanpire, ColferFan1217, BekaRoo, stewart14, ariel133, SRyan1985, MP31, coffeelover328, 1Shootingstar78 and the Guest reviewer who all left me lovely reviews._

_So I feel kind of bad, that this chapter is only an angsty filler chapter. Because obligations in my real life will keep me from writing in the forseeable future. I will continue all my stories and maybe write a one-shot here and there. But I will have a lot less time. Please do not worry, if my updates don't come as often._

* * *

Ever since her return he has made it a point not to ask too many questions about her. In the beginning he did it to reassure Marlo. Then he didn't want to give An-McNally any false hope. Lately though, has had some questions about Andy. He doesn't know how to breach the topic with Nash inconspicuously. So he pretends not be curious. Ignores his questions for the time being. He hopes, that he will figure out the answers another way. Without asking. Without showing any interest in her.

It's the same with the new UC. It sounds like she is going to leave again. Probably sooner than he wishes. Which is not very difficult, because he doesn't want her to leave at all. He doesn't want her to throw herself into any more dangerous situations than necessary. It has his stomach in knots.

But still, he doesn't dare bring the topic up. He is pretty sure it would set all of Nash's alarm bells. After all she is Andy's best friend.

And for now he wants to keep his realization a secret.

She has a boyfriend. And the last time she left. As if it didn't matter that he had just bared his soul to her. He is not sure he can do that again. Putting himself out there and dealing with the rejection.

So he decides to wait.

Maybe the UC will work in his favor. Maybe the guy is just as stupid as he was and will give up on the best thing that could've happened to him. At least he doubts that the new guy will be joining her. K-9 officers don't go undercover.

Still it is hard. He knows before long she will be gone again. And he knows it better than anyone else, that anything can happen to you while you are UC. The last time was a close call for her. Too close in his opinion. He doesn't want her to put herself at such risk ever again. But he knows she will. She has tasted blood. Has experienced the rush that drew him back again and again. Undercover is like a drug and he hooked her up.

At night he is haunted by body bags.

Every night, every dream he spends in the morgue. Waiting for the bag to be unzipped. To see her resting on the cold metal. Unmoving. All emotions gone from her face.

Every night he realizes that he was too late. That his last kiss is not returned. That her lips are unmoving and cold. Stiff with rigor mortis.

Every night he realizes again and again that her big, warm heart is cold now. And that he could have done something about it. If he'd spoken up.

And every morning he reminds himself that he has to keep silent. That it isn't his place to say anything anymore. He gave up that right, when he broke up with her.

It doesn't matter that the pressure on his chest is gone. It has been replaced by a sinking feeling in his stomach.

At work he doesn't know how to act towards Andy. He has finally come to terms with his feelings for her. But he doesn't know what he should do about it. He can't bring himself to talk to her. She looks happy in her relationship with that guy. If anything he wants her to be happy. So he stays silent for now. Tries to be patient. But that doesn't make their interactions easier. He thought, he could go back watching her from afar. He thought, he could be happy that she was happy. But it is difficult. More difficult than it has been than with Callaghan. Back then he knew deep down that Andy was too good for Callaghan. That she deserved better than a workaholic. Someone who would lay the world at her feet. Now he knows that he isn't any better than Callaghan. He has hurt her just as much. He has too much baggage.

How can he still feel like he is the better option?

No, deep down he knows that he isn't. And that makes it so difficult.

Because the jealousy is still there. Just because he knows, that he isn't good enough for her, doesn't mean that he can't be jealous. Because, he is. Immensely so. And he doesn't even see them together. It is more in his imagination than anything else. But his brain conjures up new scenarios constantly.

When they are working the same shift he stays late, just to not see her in her civvies. Because he doesn't want to see a glimpse of the lingerie she surely wears beneath her clothes.

He is shopping for shower gel and there it is: Suddenly an image of them in the shower pops into his head.

When McNally calls him to a crime scene in a wholefood store, all he can think about is them having waffles in bed.

It drives him crazy. He doesn't want this. He wants to let her go. If nothing else he wants her to be happy. He doesn't want to treat her with this hot and cold attitude all the time. But he can't help it. His feelings are overpowering at times.

Especially now that he knows she is going under again. He doesn't want her to go. If he'd still been a constable and not a detective, he probably would have offered to go for her instead. But with his new job, he can't do it anymore.

And he doesn't know what kind of op it is anyway. Ever since the whole Brennan debacle his guys at Guns and Gangs and even his pals from Major Crimes have become quite tight lipped around him. They told him, there wasn't any UC in the works, when he asks about Andy specifically.

When he finally finds the courage to ask Nash about it, he can't think of a way to broach the topic inconspicuously. He feels like he is insulting his whole career undercover. Never before has he fumbled so much to get information out of a CI. Nash isn't stupid by now she must know what he is up to. In the last couple of days he has dropped several hints about undercover work. Unfortunately she hasn't reacted to any one of them.

So he tries another approach. A more direct one.

"So… When is McNally leaving then?" He asks his partner during one of their lunch breaks.

"They plan to go on the 14th. But they are still figuring out the details."

Her answer is short. Usually she is a lot more forthcoming. He imagines she is watching him closely. But he can't bring himself to look at her. He's afraid she might read his intentions on his face. So instead he plays with the cap of his water bottle and asks her the next question.

"You gonna look after her place?"

He hasn't planned his interrogation well. She just bit of half a spring roll. Instead of a proper reply all he gets is a nod and a mumbled "Mhmm".

"Her … um… guy. I mean the one with the dog. Is he goin' with her?"

He is embarrassed how awkward he sounds.

"Of course he is going with her. Why wouldn't he?" Nash looks like she just had a facelift, her eyebrows are that far up her forehead.

"I just mean... Because of the dog… I always thought… that they live at home with their handler."

"Yeah, but it is not like they are climbing Mount Logan. He can join them."

"Isn't that against TPS policy or something? I mean, wouldn't it be a waste of resources?"

"Yeah I guess. Technically it is. But it would be too difficult to rip them apart. Bradley wouldn't listen to someone else like he listens to Kyle. And as long as Kyle's CO is ok with it, no one will make a big deal out of it." She shrugs her shoulders. Her eyes are still trained on him. She has no idea what his sudden interest in K-9 protocol is all about.

"Do you know where they are going?"

He is pretty sure the target and location of the undercover operation are classified, otherwise he would have heard something about it from somewhere. But Nash is Andy's best friend. Maybe she has told her.

"Yeah sure. New Hampshire."

"New Hampshire?" he asks. Nash quick reply has confused him. McNally is Toronto Police. She is not with RCMP or Border Services. Ontario doesn't even have a border with New Hampshire. It's not very likely that she would be chosen to go under for an international operation.

"Yeah. You know. The closest location for mountaineering around here."

_**Your reviews make me feel so great. Almost like I just climbed Mt. Washington;)**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. No copyright infringement is intended. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.**

AN:

_I am not saying this enough. My readers are the best! So much nice feedback. So many encouraging comments. I am amazed. The reviews from MD14, linda p, Goggiebe, belcheto, SRyan1985, BekaRoo, ColferFan1217, RookieBlueFanatic, kate1701, stewart14, smdaniels20, Dorkandmindy, jh126 and the Guests warmed my heart. I am so grateful to you._

_It took me a while to get this chapter and the next chapter done. I stressed too much about doing the symptoms and medical jargon justice. I am not a medical professional. However I consulted someone who is. This person is a family doctor though and is not too familiar with the condition I am describing. When I finally understood the basics, I had to translate my new knowledge into English. I hope I didn't make too many mistakes. Please pardon any blunders._

_After the last chapter I got the impression, that a lot of you thought that Andy's vacation was the turning point of the story. It is not. It was just the ground works for the McSwarek happily ever after._

_So let's go torture Sam some more. After this weeks episode he deserves it:)_

* * *

It's been six weeks since McNally came back from her vacation all tanned and happy. Apparently she has enjoyed herself immensely with _him_. Sam doesn't really know though. He hasn't dared to ask her. He is too afraid of what she might answer. He figures, he is better off not knowing about her personal life.

Also there are fewer possibilities to lash out at her like this. Because he doesn't want to hurt her. Really. He doesn't. He wants her to be happy. And obviously he can't give her what she wants. He wouldn't be able to go with her white-water rafting or rock climbing. McNally loves the outdoors. And he shudders at the thought of mosquitos and all these bugs crawling into their tent.

But it hurts. He never realized that it could hurt for so long. He was so sure it would get better. That's what they all said. That it would get easier. That every day it would hurt a little less until he realizes that he doesn't hurt anymore. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that for him. It doesn't work!

He still feels the same excitement when he sees her. He still feels like he has been stabbed when he sees _him_. He can't imagine that one day he will not feel like this. That maybe one day he might get over her, if he just manages to keep his distance.

It's Traci who requests the K-9 unit. If it had been up to him, he could have done without them. Even though he knows, that it was the right call. They had no lead and why do they have the evidence dogs, if they don't use them? And it doesn't matter how much he grumbles, they did help with the case.

When Bradley leads them into the goldsmith's store, Sam thinks that his day can't get any worse. Everywhere he looks he sees necklaces, earrings, bracelets he would love to give to Andy. He imagines how she would have looked, if he had given her something like this. Back then when he still had the chance. But he never did. It wasn't his style. He felt it would be too significant. He didn't feel like they were there yet.

Now he regrets it. Maybe if he had gone out all the way, if he had given her something that showed her how serious he was about them before everything went to hell, maybe then she would have taken his pleas more serious. But it's too late now.

Sam sees a ring trey on the counter. It looks like they are engagement rings. A whole lot of them. All different shapes and sizes. And there is one that catches his eyes. The silver gleam of the white gold, the width of the band, the size of the stone. It screams 'McNally' at him. It doesn't take much for him to imagine himself slipping this ring on her finger. He is already searching for the right words in his head. Even if he knows, that she is not his. He can't help himself.

And then his view on the desired object is obscured. Obscured by _him_. He is leaning over the tray, admiring the rings. Sam can see the guy's earnest interest in the posture of the jeweler. The salesman knows how a potential customer looks. He senses that there is serious consideration there on Spencer's part. The guy thinks about the same thing Sam just thought about.

And suddenly he feels his chest go tight. He has felt it before, this feeling that someone is sitting on his chest. But now it's worse. The pressure behind his sternum feels immense. He briefly wonders if his ribcage is deforming. And the pain doesn't stop there. It spreads up to his collarbones, his shoulder and into his left arm.

It's terrifying when feels like he can't breath anymore. All the air he tries to breath in: It's not reaching his lungs.

Sam feels like he is not in control of his body anymore. His legs deny him their service. They can't hold him up anymore. He just manages to lean against the display behind him, before they buckle and he sags to the ground. His panic attack from a couple of months ago is nothing compared to how he feels now. This feels different. Worse. More serious.

Back then his emotions were in overdrive. Anxiety the only thing on his mind. This is not the same.

While he does feel an extremely high level of anxiety, he feels more of an annihilating pain in his chest. A stabbing and tearing pain. Spreading from his chest to his back. To his jaw,. To his gut. It's rendering him paralyzed. His senses are muted. His vision is slightly blurred. He can't focus on the people rushing towards him. Their voices sound like he is wearing headphones. They are distant and almost muted.

All he can say is "Ambulance". Then he is rendered speechless. Too winded from the pain in his chest.

The EMTs are wearing a concerned expression on their faces. They have barely arrived at the scene, before they are already prepping him for the transport. Their movements are quick and routine. They have done this before. But they are swift too. As if they are in a hurry to get him to a hospital. That's all that registers with him before his mind is drawn back.

The pain again.

It is consuming all of his thoughts. Covering up everything else he might think or feel.

Sam is aware, that there are other sensations. He can feel them prick and prod him the whole ambulance ride long. Hears them ask questions. Questions he has difficulties answering, because he feels too weak to speak.

But the pain in his chest? That is, what has him occupied.

In the hospital a doctor is by his side almost immediately. He is shouting orders and ordering tests.

Sam can feel the coolness of the ultrasound gel. He can hear the humming of the MRI. But the sting of the IV needle is so insignificant compared to the pain in his chest.

And then, finally, he feels the relief when the pain is fading away. Maybe he passes out, maybe he merely fell asleep because of the exhaustion or maybe they gave him something to knock him out. He doesn't care. His mind is already slipping. Away from all the pain.

* * *

_Sorry, for the cliffhanger. But I decided I would rather give you guys two short chapters instead of a lengthy one full of medical terms. You will learn in the next chapter, what Sam's condition really is. But I would like to hear your theories. And I wouldn't mind a general review here and there either:)_


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. No copyright infringement is intended. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.**

_AN: _

O_nce again it took me a while to get this chapter done. I still stressed too much about doing the symptoms and medical jargon justice. I am not a medical professional. However I consulted someone who is. This person is a family doctor though and is not too familiar with the condition I am describing. When I finally understood the basics, I had to translate my new knowledge into English. I hope I didn't make too many mistakes. Please pardon any blunders. Because I am so unsure of my medical descriptions it amazed me even more how many of you guessed Broken-Heart-Syndrome correctly. You guys are amazing._

_As I have said many times now, I am very, very grateful for the lovely reviews I get. Every new one makes me smile. So I would like to thank _smdaniels20, MP31, _ Goggiebe, ColferFan1217, BekaRoo, RookieBlueFanatic, linda p, Hodger, stewart14, kate1701,SRyan1985, J, MamaluvsRB and the anonymous Guest reviewer. A special thanks goes out to jh126, bacio4hope, Blighter007and ariel133 for the great conversations that developed from your reviews._

_Now that the end of The Curious Ailments is steadily approaching and the season 4 is over, I am now looking for a co-author for another story during the post-season hiatus. If you are interested and believe we might be compatible, please contact me._

_Und schließlich möchte ich alle Leser aus Deutschland dazu ermuntern heute Nachmittag um 16.00 Uhr RTL einzuschalten. Lieber eine Doppelfolge Rookie Blue gucken als den Schund, der da sonst kommt. Bitte erzählt es weiter und macht Werbung!_

* * *

When he wakes up, it's quiet. There are no hurried voices. The sound of lab coats rushing by is gone. He can only hear the hum of an electric motor. There must be some electrical equipment nearby.

Wherever he might be it smells clean. There is some kind of stench of medication coming out of his pores though. It surrounds him like a cloud.

He can even taste it on his tongue.

When he opens eyes, they have some difficulties adjusting. For the first few moments he can only see blurry shapes. He can see that he is in a bright room, though. White walls, faux wood furniture. A TV mounted on a wall next to an abstract art print. He is pretty sure he is in a hospital room.

He is just assessing what he is actually feeling right now, when he sees someone in scrubs come into the room. She smiles, once she sees him returning her gaze.

"Good, you are awake. Dr. Carson would like to talk to you. If you wait just a moment I will go fetch her."

By the time her words register in his mind, she is already gone looking for this doctor. And he nods off again. He is still exhausted. The next time he opens his eyes he sees a woman next to his bed. She is wearing a lab coat over her scrubs and reads what appears to be his chart.

"Well, hello there Mr. Swarek! I am Dr. Carson."

All Sam gets out is a croaked 'hello'.

"Do you remember why you are in the hospital?"

He tries to clear his throat. It feels raw. "Chestpains."

"That's right Mr. Swarek. As far as I understood you collapsed yesterday at work and complained about chest pains and difficulties breathing. Is that right?"

He nods and the doctor continues.

"Unfortunately the test we run so far came back inconclusive. I will ask you a few questions now to figure out, what exactly is wrong with you. So let's get started. Are you currently on any medication?"

Sam feels uncomfortable; usually he is the one asking all the questions, now he is the one who has to answer them. A few times he hesitates before he answers, there are certain things he never felt comfortable talking about. Not with someone he knows and most certainly not with someone he doesn't know.

"…When we x-rayed your chest yesterday, we came across some scar tissue in your lungs. Did you ever suffer from pneumonia or do you have any other lung condition?"

And suddenly his hand is on his chest. Scratching his hair. He hates talking about this. He has done such a good job at keeping his demons away. Why did this woman have to drag this up again?

"Uh… I kinda … I've been… umm… water boarded, I guess. …Water must've been polluted… Anyway I was fine. Just a little bit pneumonia. Doc said was nothin' to worry about. Besides that was a couple of years ago." he trails off.

"After that did you suffer from any panic attacks?"

He shakes his head. While there had been a couple of months when he woke up each night drenched in sweat, he had never experienced a full blown panic attack then.

"Well, have you been exposed to a lot of stress since then?"

"I'm a police officer… er, sorry… detective. What do you think?"

"Ok detective, have your stress levels increased then?"

The longing he feels when he replies "Nah, I'm not on the streets anymore" surprises Sam.

"Well, then were you in any other emotional distressing situations recently? Did you loose a loved one for example?"

"What…? how…? Oh... erm... No, no one died."

By the time the doctor left him, so that the nurses could prep him for his angiogram he feels drained. The previous day has really exhausted him and his throat is uncomfortably raw from answering a multitude of questions.

Even though he has slept through most of the procedure, he is still pretty tired and can hardly concentrate when Dr. Carson comes back to explain to him that he is suffering from takotsubo cardiomyopathy. He has barely understood a word from all the medical talk about blood thinners and beta-blockers. The only thing on his mind is the fact that he has almost died from a broken heart. He is not even forty and had spent the last year exercising more than ever, how is it possible that he can be at risk of heart failure?

But before he has time to ponder that question for too long he has already drifted off back to sleep.

The next time he wakes up, he feels slightly better. While he is still pretty exhausted the fog in his head has cleared slightly. He guesses that he must have slept off some of the sedatives.

For the first time he is lucid enough to take in his room and the person slumped in the chair next to his bed. Sam has to smile when he sees his friend sitting there. From the day old stubble on his face he deduces that he has not gone home yet.

Careful not to disturb him Sam reaches with his hand over to the bedside table. He hates lying flat on his back. Ever since he came back from his last stint undercover he prefers his bed to be inclined. As he feels for the remote and knocks over his water cup in the process, he realizes that he is not as clearheaded as he thought.

Awoken by a growing wet spot on his pants Oliver bolts upright.

"Sammy, man, what are you doing? Are you trying to make me wet myself? Let me tell you, you were doing it all wrong. It's supposed to be a hand in a bowl of warm water!"

Sam smiles; he knows his friend has been worried. But it feels good to joke around with him.

"No seriously man, you had us all worried. What were you doing? Collapsing like that…"

"Just wanted to see, if the doctors are as good looking as in Grey's Anatomy."

"Yeah. Glad you could test that theory. But you could have done that with a colonoscopy. And let me reassure you the chairs are still as crappy as ever. You know And- erm… half our platoon stayed outside waiting to hear something. We were worried about you." Oliver looks at his friend for a long moment. For weeks now he has known that something wasn't right with his friend. But whenever he tried to breach the topic he had shut down. Now they sat here; with his best friend in the ICU ward.

"Buddy, it's me. Are you finally telling me what is wrong with you?"

Although Sam has no intention to explore his issues any further, he knows that Oliver will not let it go this time. He will poke and prod until he gives him something. So he chooses his words with care.

"They say I have something called stress induced cardiomyopathy. Apparently I had too much going on in my life, so my heart couldn't take it anymore. I don't really know. Something about the toxicity of stress hormones for the heart muscle. It made my heart deform somehow. I really have no idea. They told me I'd have to stay away from stress."

Sam knows that he hadn't been completely truthful with the reason for his heart failure, but he reasons if his feelings for McNally had indeed been the reason for the collapse then he will only risk another incident by explaining his broken heart to Oliver. He is pretty sure sooner or later he will have to open up to someone, but at that moment he doesn't feel like he is well enough for that.

_I must admit I am an addict. Your reviews have the effect of XTC on me._


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. No copyright infringement is intended. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.**

_AN: I apologize for any typos, wrong vocabulary and other mistakes I made in this chapter. I wrote it late at night on a intercity bus. The internet connection was almost as bad as the condition of the motorway and my battery was fading. But the words wanted to get out. So here we are :)_

_As usual I had a lot of wonderful people who shared their thoughts with me. I would like to thank them for that. Thank you kate1701, Exuperance18, MamaluvsRB, stewart14, Tea, Goggiebe, bacio4hope, Karin, MP31, jh126, Dorkandmindy, linda p, ColferFan1217, BekaRoo, RookieBlueGirl, totheboats, 1Shootinstar78, ariel133, April420, SRyan1985 and you Guest reviewers._

* * *

The next few days Sam spends in almost completely asleep. The only time he really wakes up is to eat. Not that he is very hungry. The hospital food is better than he expected, but still awful enough. He wonders if the chef has ever heard of spices. At least a little bit of salt would have been nice. But the stuff on his fork tastes completely unidentifiable.

He from time to time he can feel a presence in his room. When he finally manages to open his eyes it is either his sister or Oliver sitting in the chair beside his bed. He knows both of them are worried, but he is too exhausted to reassure them. There isn't coming much out of his mouth other than "I'm fine." and "Don't worry." He is pretty sure, that neither one of them believes him. When they finally leave him alone at night and go home, he is glad. It means they trust the doctor's assessments. He doesn't want them to worry. Doesn't want to burden them.

So he welcomes his third day in the hospital. Finally Sam doesn't feel like he just ran a marathon anymore. And he doesn't even mind to be poked and prodded again. Because after today's angiogram he will be released to the normal floor. Finally. As much as he loves the mugs of his sister and his best friend, he wants the constant hovering to stop. He wants to have other visitors. Deep down he hopes, that _she_ might visit him. He doesn't know, what he is expecting from her visit. He just knows, that he wants her to visit. He's longing to see her face again.

But she takes her time. Visiting hours are almost over when she arrives. She pokes her head around the corner and steps hesitantly into the room. He is pretty sure, had he not spotted her right away she would have left again. Under her arm is a black cardboard box. He knew he has seen something like that before. But for the life of him he can't remember where. The picture of a black box comes to his mind. He has seen a similar box at Jerry's wake. But this box is different. They are not the same. He raised his eyebrows and gestures towards the offending object.

"What's that, McNally? You are already planning my funeral?" he asks her.

The way she rolls her eyes then makes his heart beat a little bit faster. He wasn't even aware that one could miss eye rolls.

She pushes his tray in front of him puts the box on top. With a nod she gestures for him to open it.

Whatever he expected to be in the box, he never expected a pack of cards, poker chips and… is that? ... No way… Disbelievingly he takes out the magazine. The cover is explicit. He can understand why she wouldn't want to carry it through the corridors openly.

"I thought we could play a bit if you are up to it. I mean… I know that you still must be exhausted and I don't want you to strain yourself… But I thought, maybe you would like… you know… pass some time."

She is rambling. As if she is nervous. And for some reason that has a calming effect on him.

So Sam smiles and decides to mess with her. Only a little bit.

"Yeah, sure. We can do that. Take your clothes off."

When he sees her blush spreading over her face, down her neck and into her cleavage, he decides to put her out of her misery. Also he needs to focus on something else. He can't think about where this lovely shade of red might or might not end.

"But if you don't want to do that we could always play poker."

For the next hour time flies by. He barely feels the pressure on his chest anymore. They are both equally good. While Andy has the better strategy to get Sam to loose big, he is better at calling her bluffs. He loves her little tells. Loves the excuse to watch her so closely. From afar she still looks the same. But from up close he can see the small changes in her face. He can see the lines around her mouth have become slightly deeper. There are traces of her make up in the lines beneath her eyes, that haven't been there last year. Her hair is a solid color now. Last year he could still see lighter and darker tresses. Now they are all the same. He doesn't like how the new color. It washes her face out. He wants the old hair back. Wants to see the light reflect differently off every single strand.

When the nurse kicks Andy out half an hour after visiting hours are over she leaves him the poker kit. And before she leaves for the night she tells him "for tomorrow". It's then that Sam's heart skips a beat. Oh how he wishes he could look forward to every tomorrow like he does to the following day.

A week after Sam has been admitted, the doctors deem him fit enough to go home. He is not completely sure why that thought makes him anxious. He should feel elated. But he can't stand being stuck at home, not doing anything. Also he is not so sure that Andy's daily visits will continue once he is back at his place. She does have a job; and a boyfriend he reminds himself.

It turns out he shouldn't have worried. Early the next morning she shows up at his door whole-wheat bagel and decaffeinated coffee in hand.

He can see that she has worked the nightshift. The dark circles under her eyes and the sloppy ponytail his most obvious clues. And just like that he is worried. Nothing good happens on a Friday night. People are still wound up from their week and exited enough to start their weekend that they become careless. But nothing has happened to her, he reminds himself. She is here now, rummaging through his kitchen and starting to do the dishes as if this is her household. And this is when Sam decides that he hates his sister. Sure, Sarah has always been a slop and he fully intended to make her clean up once she came home from work. He has never really minded before though. He could stand a few dirty dishes. That was not a big deal. At least better than seeing Andy in his kitchen being all domestic. It screws with him. Makes him desire for things he shouldn't ache for.

And he is not even that chauvinistic. He doesn't want her to stay at home and play Susie Homemaker. Cooking, cleaning, children. He would share the workload with her. So why has her being here such an effect on him? Is it because the last time she was here, they were still together?

He shakes his head and wanders over to his kitchen isle. By the time he reaches it he is already out of breath. He needs to pull up a stool and sit down for a moment. He imagined it wouldn't take him no time at all to recover. For some stupid reason he believed he would just bounce back. No need for rehab. Same old Sammy he has always been. But heart failure seems to be more serious than he thought.

The whole time in he kitchen Andy artfully dodges Sam's gaze. Only after she has cleaned every inch of his counter and prepared the most diverse fruit salad he has ever seen she meets his eyes with hers. He wants to get lost in them. But she has already cast them down again and carries the tray with his breakfast over to his couch.

Their conversation while he eats is halting. He has difficulties swallowing. There are too many words stuck in his throat already. He wants to tell her, that he wants to eat breakfast with her every day for the rest of their lives. And he wants to tell her run. He doesn't want her to be stuck with an invalid. Last night he wouldn't have made the stairs had it not been for Sarah. Andy doesn't deserve that. She needs someone who is younger and stronger than him.

As much as he looked forward to her visit, he is glad when she leaves again. Today he hasn't pulled out the cards. Today he tried to talk to her without their help. And he has gloriously failed. He and Andy have become strangers. People who are too afraid to hurt the other person, so that in the end they don't have anything they can talk about.

So he is even more surprised when he sees her again on his doorstep the next morning. And the next. And the next.

The whole week she comes by after her nightshift. Everyday she brings him a healthy breakfast, prepares him some snack. And slowly they start talking again. Without the help of the cards. He sticks to topics he deems harmless enough though. And he feels like he is getting to know her again. The things they talk about. The opinions she offers. He discovers a whole new side on McNally. He imagines this is how it must have felt like had they dated like a regular couple. The insecurities. The anticipation to see her again. Only they aren't dating. And she has a boyfriend.

Sam is reminded of that on Friday morning.

Even though she looks pretty exhausted, he enjoyed their time together immensely. So he decides to show a little bit of his soft belly and tell her he is looking forward to seeing her on Saturday. He expected her to come visit him sometime this weekend anyway.

However from her grimace he can tell that he was wrong. She has other plans. Probably with_ him_.

"Oh I'm so sorry Sam. It's just… Kyle and I, we made plans… We booked it a while ago actually… Kyle found this place, where you can go cave diving. You know, finding the right guide and place for level can be tricky in Ontario … And he is so looking forward to it… I'm sorry. I will be back on Tuesday, I promise."

He hates how apologetic she sounds. It's her right to make plans with her boyfriend. She shouldn't have to explain herself to him.

"Don't worry Andy. You go and have fun. I guess, Sarah is going to be thrilled that for once I will actually be hungry when she cooks for me."

Sam feels the corners of his mouth pull back into a smile. It's the last thing on his mind; he doesn't feel like smiling. At all. Still here he is, smiling through the pain. Putting on a mask.

And he is hurt that Andy doesn't even see it.

* * *

_I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter. There is a box down here. If you drop a line there, you will make this author very, very happy._

_Also in the next chapter Andy and Sam are finally going to talk. If you have something that bothered you with their relationship and breakup in season 3, please feel free to share your thoughts with me; maybe I can include the issue._


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